I had a hot date Friday night. Literally. Sorry, bad joke. Finally Pea and I went to hot yoga. I didn’t mention it before, but the night the car died, we were first in the studio making phone calls to find someone to help with my car. I couldn’t help notice a guy inside the yoga room who was stretching before the class (the one we were supposed to be attending).
Let the record state that I am very fond and attracted to my bf. I was only checking out this guy because he was wearing very little clothing. Don’t get excited now. What he was wearing made me wonder - what the fuck goes on in a person’s head sometimes?! Zebra print bikini. Not a word of a lie. He was serious about this ensemble. It had neon in the print. Fucking PANTIES and not a hint of irony.
I didn’t mention him before because it was only for a moment and it was not a good moment! But now, as I lay on my mat before class, who do I see but the SAME guy. Keep in mind I actually never saw the guy’s face the last time. Only his non-ironic panties. Dare I be presumptuous to assume this was the same guy? Oh I dared. There can’t possibly be TWO lunatics who go to yoga at the same studio who choose to wear the same ridiculous panties. How embarrassing would that be? The two wackos show up at the same yoga class wearing the SAME zebra print panties? Oh the horror.
Enough about panties guy. I will mention that he sweated so profusely that he left a pond on the floor and it confirmed he was wearing actual underwear. After all that sweat, he left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Have a little respect for your fellow warrior posers, buddy. Go out and buy yourself a pair of respectable and exercise-appropriate SHORTS. Because the last thing I need to see is your SWEATY JUNK. *Om*.
And just to add – I would have forgiven the whole thing if Zebra Panties resembled David Beckham in that Armani underwear ad. But he didn’t. And yes, it IS a cruel world solely based on looks. So put some proper pants on for fuck sake! *OM!*
So how was the actual yoga class? It started out okay. I think I only participated 50% of the time. The rest of the time I sat/laid there hoping it would be over soon. The heat was bad enough, but the woman next me with her body odour did not help with the calm breathing I was supposed to be doing. All that could get me through it was thinking about how I could write about this experience and warn all others how horrible it is. Save yourselves! (Okay, all you haters that LOVE it, do what you like. I just didn’t like it.)
Also to pass the time, I decided that hot yoga would be a perfect path to world peace. Get the bad guys in a hot yoga room, and I don’t think there would be any war or crime ever again. Needless to say, it was not a good experience. I actually cried at one point. The crying actually felt better than anything else I was doing at that moment. But I survived and now I can mock it all I want because I’ve tried it!
Lessons learned today – deodorant is more important than you think. Silky underpants are definitely not acceptable in public. Think about your fellow human. They see/smell more than you’ll ever know.
