Rewind it to the beginning

It was January, new year, new me.  I was not going to resolve to do anything different or new.  It was just going to a be a new year of existing as far as I was concerned.  I had just recovered from minor surgery and it was hard to start anything, let alone think of men.

I was suffering from major cabin fever during recovery, so it was time to go outside.  My lone, straight, male, little brother I never wanted, friend, Alex doesn't have a 9-5, so I knew he would be up for brunch.  He's always up for brunch.
Our time together is always full of stories.  His mostly.  He used to tell me about his Vegas exploits over bacon and eggs.  I've always been entertained, indulged, never judgey.  Why would I ever?  He's single, young(er) than me, successful.  And I hate to admit it, boy got some good game.
Plus, despite all the superficiality and tales of bottle service and strippers, he's a really good guy and has always had my back.
So now that the Vegas trips have changed to wine tasting in Sonoma with his girl, I guess he's looking out for me in a different way.


"Dude you have to get out there.  Murray is a chump.  You gotta go out and bang already."
 Charming.  That actually means a lot from Alex.  (And he doesn't really talk like that, but it might as well have been edited down to these three sentences anyway.)  I knew what he meant, and he meant it from the heart.

"Oh mon dieu, I'm not ready!"
The thought of it made me cringe. I had been cooped up in my apartment for several weeks, watching far too much television, failing miserably at Candy Crush (I'm so bad at it!), and thinking too much.  I couldn't possibly inflict this person on anyone else anytime soon.  I could barely handle myself.

Where would I even begin?  Online dating of the past only got me so far, and I've been out of the game for...er...several years.  Facebook barely existed back then, does anyone remember MSN Messenger?  Apps?  Smartphones?  (And just for the record, it wasn't THAT long ago.  Quit laughing.  I'm not THAT old. Technology has just progressed very quickly okay...oh nevermind...I digress.)

"Look I set up my friend Michelle's profile on Tinder.  She's been on 30 dates so far."
Michelle's profile photo was pretty fine, I'd swipe right.  Just sayin.

Ah Tinder.  Grindr for straights.  It's cute at best.  Everyone's dirty little secret.  Is it really just for hooking up?  Is that what I want right now?  Ever?  Mon dieu, I'm still not ready.

Alex took a photo of me in the diner booth quickly before I changed my mind.  We went outside in the park and took some more photos to look like I was interesting.  He filtered the shit out of them.  I let him choose which ones he thought were good. (By the way totally different than the ones I liked, but I'm trying to impress dudes here, so I trust Alex's choices.)  I signed up, wrote one line about myself, hit save.

And so begins The Tinder Diaries.

Hope you enjoy.  And if you don't, then fuck you, I'm gonna write about them anyway.

kisses!
mh