Walker, 28

Dear Tinder Diary: This is a first for me. Match, chat, meet all on the same day.
We were quite clear of our intentions before we met so it seemed pretty natural to meet in person and just figure out if there was actual chemistry. He was very fresh out of a long term relationship and was looking to rebalance his life. He was interested in 'parallel readjustment' and I couldn't have agreed more.
I had said that if we met and things worked out well, he could walk me home after drinks.
This was last July and it was nice out so we met on a patio. I have to say I wasn't sure at first. Our conversation wasn't as dynamic or exciting as I had hoped. By now I think I had met enough guys to sort of gauge very quickly which direction things would go.
But then we started talking food and when he said loved Dave Chang, that was the game changer. Then we both got really excited and couldn't stop talking.
He walked me home.
After he left, I casually suggested we make this a regular thing. He messaged me the next day to set a day. Walker Wednesdays was so much fun for weeks. I messaged when I returned from a trip NY in September. I brought back a treat from our beloved Dave Chang's Milk Bar. He gently broke it to me that he had met another girl and there would be no more Walker Wednesdays.
Admittedly I was slightly heartbroken and turned Tinder off immediately. Okay I may have burst into tears in the office. I am such a sap. Thinking that a Tinder date/weekly rendezvous would become anything more than a few Wednesdays. I decided to take a break from meeting new men and if any current ones were interested, then I would see if I felt like it. It was a good time to slow down.

#DearTinderDiary: I admit I am a hopeless romantic sometimes. AND it's all fun and games until maybe you have to see the doctor about your lady business. #dontask 😞

xx (with a clean bill of health),
mh

James, 30

Dear Tinder Diary: That stupid 50 Shades of Grey has changed the game completely. Probably even before the book and the movie. I realize I have vanilla sex. Pippa told me I have vanilla sex.  There is a new sex generation that surprises me.
Case in point, I match with James. I was very drunk when I initially matched with him and opened with 'Is that an umbrella or are you just happy to see me?'
Terrible at best. But it worked.
He gave me his number almost instantly. He texted admitting he was looking for casual fun. Noted. He asked me to send him sexy photos of myself. No. He asked if I like rough sex and was trying to convince me that cum on my face is good for the skin. Hot damn. This is not the flirting I am used to. Admittedly it didn't offend, I was enjoying it.
I wonder how successful these men are though. I messaged him the next day never to hear from again. Fucking guy - you really think you're that good that I would just sleep with someone after a few text exchanges? Please. I bet it was just an umbrella in his pocket.

xx,
mh

Adam 27, now 28

Dear Tinder Diary: Does anyone remember The OC? I wish there was a real life Seth Cohen. I ❤ Adam Brody.

Adam was really awkward when we first met. Should I see this guy again? What's with me and these young boys? Not all of them are created equal. (He's not as 'mature' Tyler.) I'm waiting for him to admit he's not actually 27, but 17 and I will go to jail or get a call from his mother soon.
He's like a puppy, lunging at my face with no warning. Get off! But in that way you can't just push a puppy off you without laughing and wanting more 😊
He listens to The Smiths and Arctic Monkeys. Kings of Leon's first album was their best... They should have remained famous in the UK only. *sigh* He's my Death Cab for Cutie song 'Summer Skin' in real life. I like the freckles on his shoulders. His floppy brown hair. His ever changing dark hazel eyes that look into mine with silent comfort. His lanky 6'1" frame that can't seem to get enough of me.

We don't talk much when we're together even though it's quite frequent. I like him for his awkwardness and melancholy.
I asked him to spend the night a few Fridays ago. He said he wasn't ready. I said it didn't mean he had be my boyfriend. It's just convenient for morning sex.

kisses,
mh

Brad, 23?

Dear Tinder Diary: Has a woman of a certain age entered official cougar-dom if she meets someone who is below her Half + 7 rule? Asking for a friend.
I had initial intentions of exchanging numbers with my favourite bartender at The Senate. Rewind back to the first time there and Pippa reminded us to focus on grown ass men our own age.
Obviously we can change our own rules.

Besides, grown ass men my age are not much different from guys 10+years younger. Younger men are just so much cuter and eager...I digress.

So I decided to just throw it out there with my fav bartender. He wasn't biting (which in hindsight is a good thing).
Cue the two guys who sit down next to Pippa and I. We had never seen them before even though they said they were regulars. Fast forward to musical chairs at the bar after a bathroom break, lots of rounds, chatting, and a kiss at the door on our way out.  Whaat just happened?!

I think his name is Brad.  Or is it Chad? Hmm. He was cute. Nice voice (I am a sucker for Clooney toned men.) 6'3" and all lean muscle. Totally not my usual type. He was a total hipster! There may have been some man-bun!, nose and lip piercings!, super cool tee and sweats and matching bicycle that cost way too much! I think numbers were exchanged, perhaps selfies taken?!

It always seems like a good idea to take a drunk guy home when you're just as drunk. But I always forget alcohol affects dudes a little differently - figuratively and, er, literally. He said he'd call on his way out. I knew he never would.

My time now is for fun and excitement. I've been reading into things too many times, desperately trying to forecast some type of relationship weather that I will never be able to predict. So why not just go with it? I confess I am not easy going at the best of times, and realize that this stress case should chill the fuck out and just do things for the moment. And so I did.
I would like to thank Brad for a random night. No regrets and makes for perfect writing material. Pippa and I saw his friend a couple weeks later. Brad wasn't with him thankfully, but I told him that I say hi.

xx,
mh

Oh Steven-Peter

It's obvious that Tinder is incredibly shallow and vain. There is no pretending this is about swiping right because you like the look of their soul. Please.
My friends have been around when I start the swiping game.  They think some of the reasons I swipe left are hilarous. What? I don't actually look at their face sometimes! I am looking at their clothes, the friends they are with, where they vacation, if they are a Jays fan... (btw I don't care about sports.) 
My shallowness includes names. Sorry Steven-Peter, not gonna be screaming that out in bed with you. Swiped Left.
Oh c'mon you wouldn't either!

kiss-kiss,
mh

Half plus seven

#DearTinderDiary: I have a confession.  Well more like a revelation. Observation? Oh nevermind. Here it is:
I may or may not have a tendency to be attracted to younger men.  *gasp* don't give me that look! I had no idea I was doing it on purpose! I just thought it was a coincidence...
Can you blame me, really? Younger guys are so cute, stylish, fun, relevant, interesting.  And it's a bonus if they are dim AND cute. Mmm those are the best ones...
And not all 27 year olds are created equal! And not all 40 year olds are created equal either (so I've been told since I have MANY more years til I am there...ha)  Nevermind that part. I have been very blessed with looking younger than I actually am. Merci mama et papa. 
So that helps too. Hey we're not talking about some old botoxed mutton in sheep's clothing mmmkay? I work out! I moisturize!
However, having said that a girl has to have a cut off. Thus applying the old rule -half my age plus seven years is the absolute youngest I can go (except that one time he said he was 23 but was really mature and the tequila kept reassuring me of that. But that's a whole other post...)
So as to not give away my real age so easily, my number is +/- the 24-27 range.
And god bless them for being eager and fun and they are everywhere 😘

xx
mh

Tyler, 27

Hi I'm Tyler. Would you like to have a slice of pizza with me?
It wasn't supposed to happen at all. I was supposed to meet my  friend after work for dinner on the other side of town. She wasn't supposed to suddenly fall ill and cancel. I wasn't supposed to have any energy to go shopping before heading home.
But I did and he stopped me out of the blue on my way home, bargains in hand and belly grumbling.
'You scared shit out of me' was the first thing I said. Not the cute-meet line they write in the movies for Rachel McAdams.   It's not everyday you feel a tap on your arm while you're walking home on a busy downtown street. He looked nervous, it took a moment to figure out I did not know this person. But then he smiled and it suddenly felt like I did. I instantly liked what was happening.
He was incredibly charming, took charge of this random meeting, made me laugh out loud. I was thoroughly impressed after 20 mins. He left just as I was intrigued. Damn.
I didn't think our number exchange would result in anything more than that laugh and slice of pepperoni.
He texted days later and we met for drinks. Bright blue puppy dog eyes, lashes batted gave him whatever he wanted from me. Nice hands, soft deep voice, slow but even articulate words. He kissed me goodnight even though I felt shy and hesitant. It had been a while that a kiss made me tingly all over.
I brazenly texted too soon after asking for more.
I enjoyed weeks of incredible fun and had butterflies every time we were together. Then I got scared and ruined it all in one swift move. One very terribly timed comment ended it.
That was a year ago now. Our eyes locked on the street again months later. We just smiled and kept going. I still think about him which I know is silly. But I thought he was sweet. Even though I wasn't. *le sigh*

#DearTinderDiary: I have learned not to be brutally honest at the worst time possible. (Those of you that know the storyare probably still shaking your head. I know, I know who does that? I did 😕)

xx,
mh